The Itchy Thing: AKA - The Pattern

Last week I had a book event for Your (Aligned) Girl in a Crisis.  As a part of the talk I discussed the “itchy thing” that’s bugging you that indicates a pattern, and that pattern could be a cycle that you want to break.I’ve been leading people in quick bursts of writing to get at “the thing” for 30 years.  And in this moment, the only writing spot folks had to hand was their phones.  I had not planned to do this or warned anyone, but as I came to the end of what I wanted to say and put down my notes and  my book, the words fell out of my mouth . . .

“Take 1.45 minutes to write in your notes app about the itchy thing in your life right now.”I’m not sure what I thought would happen, and everyone whipped out their phones and started furiously tapping away. A minute passed, and another, with folks totally engaged and furiously writing.  I offered the “leave a few bread crumbs to come back to. . .” prompt.  Folks kept writing.  I called us back together, folks lingered in their notes apps.

The energy in the room shifted.  The patterns were right there on everyone’s faces, right along with the relief that followed when I said, “These are patterns and support with cycle breaking is not something you have to earn or have time for.  You deserve support right now.”

It was pure magic and I’m honored to have witnessed it.And I must admit that I used the crowd and monitoring the engagement to squelch down my itchy thing rather than examine it.  So, like itchy things do, it came back up over the weekend.  

Saturday was dog food day, the day I take every month to make my good dog’s food.  (Yes, it’s a little nuts, but you're just going to have to trust me when I say it’s an act of self-care.)  I had decided to use new containers for the storage of the food because I think Bugsy needs a little more than he’s getting (and my Vet student daughter agrees) and we got a new outside refrigerator and the old storage containers don’t fit quite right.  The Amazon order was made, they were to arrive on Friday.  All was right with the world.

Until . . . I got a notification that the shipment was running late and the containers wouldn’t show up until sometime on Saturday evening.

Record Screeching!

I make dog food first thing in the morning post dog walk.  That way the kitchen is clean and the food is stowed by noon.  

I was going to have to rearrange my day and let me tell you, that was ITCHY!

It turned me absolutely inside out.

This is clearly not a pattern about dog food.  It’s about having a plan and something occurring (as it does in life) that alters that carefully made plan.  When I’ve made a plan and a something gets in the way, I am a wreck.  Here, I had a whole day to myself.   No huge “Important” things to do, and I was deeply unsettled about what time I would get dog food in containers because it was not fitting with my plan.  “Gurl, get a hold of yourself please!”

And I just couldn’t.  Not without support.  So my coach and my people helped me come to a reckoning with making all the pieces of the recipe and covering them in the pots so I could just fill containers when they got here.  The word “reckoning” may sound like hyperbole, but that is what it was.

And while I chopped and cut and cooked and washed, my brain rolled around what the itchy thing actually was, the pattern, and the cycle I want to break.I want to deal with “in the moment” issues, big and small, without the record screech.I recognize that I make plans out of a need for security.  I recognize that as a survival pattern that no longer serves me.  My nervous system is wired to fight (flight and freeze are not really my thing) when things crop up.  I would like to re-wire it to step back and assess, then solve the problem with calm and even joy.   

On Saturday that looked like good jams and singing at the top of my lungs and then walking away to leave everything covered and watch the movie I had planned for later, and then fill dog food containers once they arrived.  

All good, no need to fight.  Just some deep self-care.

An itchy thing that is really a deep deep pattern in need of support.So, here’s the invitation.  

Take out your notebook or your phone (or some spray paint) and drag your itchy thing out into the light.  

Shine the high beams on it.  

Examine it.  

Name the pattern.

Maybe share it with me and seek some support, if not with me, somewhere with someone you trust.

XOXO,

Cindy